terror

key moments of indeterminable dread go way back for me.
night terrors, with no recollection of where i've been, why i feel the way i feel.
i had a conversation with a very close friend several nights ago,
and out of confidence and time can't divulge nearly as much as i would presently like to,
but others have had very different experiences with their dreams,
so vivid that they remain in stark detail paths of the memory for a lifetime.
i don't believe it is a direct corrolation to ones intellectual capacity,
but rather a very unique composition : how one retains experiences, dreams,
and also these very elusive key moments of indeterminable dread, as i guess i will call them.

i had a very interesting conversation with my dear cousin Jesse (oddly enough he shares the same name as the dear friend mentioned earlier).
As i wake this afternoon from a nap, trying to catch up a little, so i will have the fortitude that i will want later this evening, i trundled down the stairs to the laundry room.
The light now in seattle on a clear beutiful perfect day at 430 pm can have a host of different emotions.
It all completely depends on how one is disposed to feeling in that given moment. The feelings are intense, for those of us that feel them strong. It depends on sounds, how silent one is. in complete relative silence, with the occasional holler from a siren or a horn, there can be affective loneliness. If i were with five of my best friends right now under these same conditions, or a lover, i would feel overwhelming bliss.
I would like to speak further about this.
I have had similar experiences everywhere in the world. And certainly our emotional lives are monsters. Just as the monsters in monsters inc are slap stick hilarious, as well as terrifying for a child, our emotions can lead us into waters both shallow splashable salty and safe, or to the depths of the atlantic, where death is counting down until launch.
i have to go to work.